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Joke or Video of the day

This is a discussion on Joke or Video of the day within the Off-Topic Discussions forums, part of the General Forums category; A guy is 72 years old and loves to fish.... He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up." He looked ...


  1. #11
    Leo
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    A guy is 72 years old and loves to fish....

    He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,
    "Pick me up."

    He looked around and couldn't see anyone....

    He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,"Pick me
    up."

    He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

    The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

    The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you."
    "Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman
    you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious
    and jealous because I will be your bride!'

    The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up
    carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

    The frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said
    kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."

    He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

    "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."



    With age comes wisdom.
    You are only Remembered in Life, by you Kindness

  2. #12
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    The Old Sailor & the Working Girl






    An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old time’s sake.

    He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room.

    He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks,

    'How am I doing?'

    The prostitute replies,

    'Well, old sailor, you're doing about three knots.'
    'Three knots?' he asks.

    'What's that supposed to mean?'
    She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in, and your knot getting your money back.
    You are only Remembered in Life, by you Kindness

  3. #13
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    Why I Am now Divorced






    Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.
    I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, ‘Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.
    As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.'
    I thought....Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... they will remember.
    My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word...
    So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
    As I walked into my office, my handsome Boss Rick, said, 'Good Morning, lady, and by the way Happy Birthday!
    It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
    I worked until one o’clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said, 'You know, It’s such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me…
    I said, 'Thanks, Rick, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!'
    We went to lunch.
    But we didn't go where we normally would go.
    He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table.
    We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
    On the way back to the office, Rick said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day...
    We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We?'
    I responded, 'I guess not.
    What do you have in mind?
    He said, 'Let's drop by my place; it's just around the corner.'
    After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, If you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.'
    'Ok.' I nervously replied.
    He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake ....
    Followed by my husband my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
    And I just sat there....
    On the couch....
    Naked
    You are only Remembered in Life, by you Kindness

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  5. #14
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    EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY

    After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going ?' inquired God.

    'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem..

    It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain.'

    And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.

    'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.'

    And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes

    Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

    ' Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation ?'

    'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'

    God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this ? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless boob ?'

    Now doesn't THAT make more sense than the rib story?
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    You are only Remembered in Life, by you Kindness

  6. #15
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    New Lawyer
    Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.

    As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking..

    "No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million.."

    "Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support.."

    "Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details.."

    This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy.

    What can I do for you?"

    The man replied "I'm from the phone company..I came to hook up your phone."
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    gravity impaired

    [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MD6Cx0qzRA&feature=related]Fat kid on Rollercoaster - YouTube[/ame]
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    SaveTheRidersDunes | Facebook


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  9. #18
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    murder over divorce




    I'll take murder over divorce any day. It's faster and cheaper. PH A
    nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,
    walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight
    into his eyes, and said,

    "I'd like to buy some cyanide."

    The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

    The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

    The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I
    can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law!

    I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of
    bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

    The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her
    husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

    The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me
    you had a prescription."
    You are only Remembered in Life, by you Kindness

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    This was just to good to not pass along to you guys...

    Why do men snore on their back?








    Becuase their balls flop over their butthole and they vapor lock....
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    [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMS0O3kknvk]Grape lady falls! - YouTube[/ame]
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